Trauma affects everyone in one way or another. No adult I have met has not had an experience that affected them for the rest of their lives. Trauma will mark them sooner or later if it has not already. Please understand that I am only speaking from my experience and treatment perspective. Trauma is something bad that happens to you, and the impacts of trauma change you for the rest of your life. Trauma can be mental, physical, emotional, psychological, etc. Trauma never completely fades away on its own. It lingers for a lifetime until it is dealt with. What kind of trauma have you experienced?
My Trauma Story
Some of you may already know that I was born and raised in Rwanda. My family was among those killed in the 1994 Genocide, in which over a million people were killed. Those events are still fresh in my mind. Although I tried to forget as much as I could, it seemed as though I was unable to get rid of those memories. I dreamed about them every night. So, I thought maybe I should just get busy so that I don’t have to think about it. In response, I became busy. As a distraction, I worked full time, went to school double time, and took care of my kids. Success was a sign to me that I was whole. In other words, if someone like me can accomplish what I did, then surely I am okay. Seven years later, I married. It all came crashing down. At first, I did not understand why I still did not feel healed. I became frustrated.
What are some of the Steps You Can Take To Overcome Trauma
You are not alone. Take steps today to heal and thrive. Trauma can be so painful. It feels like a prison. You feel trapped. Often, you are not aware of the triggers and how to stop them. It is a struggle of pain, frustration, and for some like me, the desire to numb the pain with things like alcohol, work, and self-destructive behaviors. Does this sound familiar? I encourage you to listen. You can find healing and move from pain to joy filled life.
Step 1: Accept That You Are Not Ok
Sometimes we are in denial. After all, denial helped us cope with trauma. As a result of denial, we dissociate, so we don’t feel the full weight of what we’ve been through, right? Nevertheless, in order to heal we must accept that we need help, and that’s okay. It was very difficult for me to accept that I needed to seek help. There is this stereotype about counselors, and how black girls are supposed to be strong, etc…I am here to tell you this is utterly untrue. The human body can benefit from counseling, medications, and other interventions.
Step 2: Determine What Kind of Help You Need
Taking into account your needs is crucial here. You will also need to consider your budget, time availability, and how this new journey will affect you and your family. Finally, I said yes, Lord I will get therapy. It would have been helpful if someone had told me what to expect once I started therapy. You wouldn’t believe it, but I ended up seeing a psychiatrist after asking around for referrals. What I needed was trauma treatment, not psychic medication. Do your research and get to know what your needs are. It is at this point that I recommend journaling since you can write down what you feel your needs are and find someone who complements them.
Types of therapy
The form of therapy I got did is called Eye Movement and Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) EMDR is an intensive therapy. During therapy, I relived everything, but mostly after I got home. I had nightmares again, but when I returned to therapy, we worked on that memory again, until I no longer needed to. This therapy brought back frightening memories after frightening memories. During therapy, I was able to replace one memory with another. She asked me, for example, what I would like to replace my memories with. I replied that I would like to see Jesus there. I wanted to know why He allowed me to suffer in the way that I did. I was able to see and place Jesus in my mind from memory to memory. Thus, an experience that was once haunting, became a memory that showed me God’s protection, and preservation. In the face of the deaths of many of my relatives, friends, and neighbors, how else would I survive? What types of therapy do you think you need?
How I was able to Make it Out
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ”.
2 Corinthians 1:3-9
Financial Commintment
It is not cheap to undergo therapy. Depending on the therapist, you may pay before the session, or afterward. You must budget for that. If you have insurance, you may have to pay a co-pay, but that has to be arranged beforehand. You may also have to drive to your appointment. I would like to know if your therapist can offer some flexible options. For example, if you are ill or don’t have time to travel. If you have young children or pets that depend on you while you travel, plan accordingly. Someone may need to watch them while you’re away.
Time Commitment
Consider how much time you want to spend with them. Time commitments are hard to predict. You may need to see your counselor frequently depending on what you are working on and how difficult it is. If things get too challenging, you may need to contact your counselor, which is not something you can plan for. In addition, depending on your obligations and financial situation, you may have to space out your sessions sparingly to meet your needs. I wish I had known that I did not have to attend weekly sessions. As a result, I could have planned accordingly by taking these factors into consideration. I missed, forgot, and did not attend sessions, so I did not get the most out of my therapy.
Plan for Emotional Cost
This is a good one. People did not tell me I could develop severe PTSD, which would literally keep me from getting out of bed and incapacitate me for days. Despite this, I can see how this is a good thing, as I probably would not have gone to therapy at all for fear of facing the terror again when my entire life was spent running from feeling. You will probably feel those buried feelings all over again. My goal is to prevent you from experiencing a deeper shock than I did. With this, you can actually plan around your therapy. For instance, you could schedule your therapy on a Friday, leaving you with a weekend to recover, or you could schedule it before your day off from work. After therapy, you can also schedule time for self-care so that you have time to recuperate. Just trust me! After some therapy sessions, you may need to recharge, while others may give you extra motivation and energy.
Step 3 Take a Leap of Faith and Get Help
What do you have to lose? A little time and money perhaps? Consider what you will gain in return. It’s Freedom. The cage you have been imprisoned in for who knows how long will be broken. The cage I’ve been in for over two decades was broken for me. Two decades of self-destructive behaviors left me physically, mentally, and emotionally disabled. I was unable to trust anyone, and I could not be happy. This can potentially save your life and free you from misery.
Step 4 Trust The Professionals, Most Importantly Trust God
As you interview professionals to help you with this process, I hope you will take time to interview them. It is highly recommended that you do so. It is common for offices to interview you, but you may not get a chance to meet the person before your first session. Take some king a quiz to see where you need help. Are you looking for a counselor, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist? Take some time and write down the areas in which you are struggling, and then ask the therapist relevant questions.
Step 5 Complete Your Homework
Avoid taking shortcuts. It will be hard and sometimes it will seem impossible. Give it your best shot. If one day it’s too tough, take a break. Once you begin to feel better, pick up where you left off and put some effort into it. Take good care of yourself. I mean to replenish the emotional energy, eat well, drink plenty of water, and exercise. Journaling is highly recommended. You will be pleasantly surprised to find out that your therapist anticipates your feelings and guides you through them when you document what you feel. I wish people had told me not to expect so much from myself. Wait, they did! We’re only human, after all. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose, and that’s fine. Just don’t get stuck in that funk for too long. Just keep moving forward regardless of what happens. Never give up.
Step 6 Thrive and Pay it Forward
We are all in this together. Whenever you get help and are able to thrive, please lift someone else up. Spread the love! So many people around the world are struggling. Tell your story. One story can inspire so many. As you share your story, you will also nourish your soul. Do not suffer alone as I did. In the event that I had a chance to go back in time, I would have gotten help right away. I didn’t lack funds; I lacked knowledge.
Without knowledge action is useless and knowledge without action is futile.
Abu Bakr
