As I mentioned on previous blogs, you can clearly see how important my Christianity Faith was to me. I am saying “was” because I have learned otherwise. There are voids, and omitted information from what we know to be the Word of The Most High. By the way, I no longer use terms like God, Lord, Jesus, etc… You can imagine how devastating it is to find out that what you believed wholeheartedly is false. If you go to my previous blog, I talk about the answers to this question “who are you? and how the answers to this question leads us in finding our identity. For me my core belief was my Christianity Faith. My faith was something that I believed held me together, got me through trauma, and my daily life. It was devastating to see the crumbling of my faith. I knew in order to find myself, I had to go through this journey. First, I am Reconciling with the fact that I believed lies for so long. Second, I had to forgive myself for my lack of my identity and for not doing my due diligence. Finally, I feel the need to share what I have found to others, and apologize for sharing same deception in the past. As I embark on this journey of finding my identity I had to let my Christianity faith go. This is how the crumbling of my Christianity faith happened…..
My Story ~ How Did My Christianity Fait Start?
Back in Rwanda I grew up seeing my mother and others worship in a Pentecostal church. Fasting and praying, reading the Bible was common. At some point as a child I was a in a choir. Let me just say that I cannot sing for the life of me. I was always off key. I believing in the trinity, the God head, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Christianity teaches to believe in the Bible without questioning anything. I served in churches as Sunday School teacher, and volunteered for other events. They taught us that salvation was obtained by grace not by works. First one must accepting Jesus as the son of God who rose from the dead. I believed in the rapture, where Jesus comes and secretly takes us to heaven. The rapture would be for us to escape the judgment that will come to unbelievers. Non denominational churches presented themselves different from Catholics, Mormons, Jehovah’s witnesses, and 7th Day Adventists churches. I loved non-denominational churches and worshiped on Sundays. I was a Christian for over 24 years till February of 2022 when a veil came off of my eyes.
Before New Revelations My Faith Crumbled Little By Little….
Some of the struggles I had with Christianity was the hypocrisy. Often I would see people who profess to be Christians live immoral lifestyles. They supposedly walked in power of The Holy Spirit while their fruits denying the Power of The Most High according to the Bible. What is bothersome these folks did not seem to make a clear effort to obey and not to sin. They seemed as if believing was a VIP ticket to live like the world and expected no consequences. Unfortunately, I was one of them. I did not have an identity. I was a follower, but as I started to ask questions, the crumbling of my Christianity faith was inevitable if I was to find my identity.
Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
2 Timothy 3:5-7
Should Adoptees Rebel? Or Religion Is rebellious In Nature?
I always wondered that if Christians are the adopted gentiles in the family of The Most High, how did the Most High’s Commandments no longer matter? Every time I would read the Old Testament, I would wonder why!! Why would a God who would punish His people severely for not obeying Him, would now change His standards? How is it that christians keep some commandments over others? What is it about the first commandment and the fourth commandment that christianity fight against? Anytime I asked myself these questions, my faith crumbled little by little.
God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
Numbers 23:19
Hypocrisy Led To The Crumbling of My Christian Faith
I noticed that on Sundays, the commandments were an after thought, while they preached messages of progress and prosperity. Repentance is offensive now in the churches, and they discourage old testament. In all honesty as a church goer, I never truly understood what repentance actually meant. I also noticed that the feeling of not fitting in magnified when I was in churches. Some days I would literally get sick on Sunday and not make it to church. I would blame the devil that he was trying to stop me from going. On occasion I would lock myself out of the car somehow. Even when I made it to church, I came back with more questions, and uneasy feeling within me. My children would act up, and we were always late. Clearly something, someone was trying to stop me. It didn’t help that some people in churches are hypocrites, they do evil, and hide behind the clock of Christianity. What I did not realize was that the crumbling of my Christianity faith was already taking place.
I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. 16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
Revelation 3:15-16
How Religion Deal With Trauma Contributed To Letting Go Of My Faith
About three to five years ago shortly after my little girl was born, I turned my life over to who I called God. I believed that God was the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Now I refer to Him as The Most High Or Ahayah Shar Ahayah ( I am that I am) or His original name Zambe or Sonini Nanini ( I am that I am , but better) in Bantu languages. My journey then started with repentance, and what I believed to be deliverance. Out of all the churches where I live, I couldn’t find anyone to pray for me for delivered of what I thought were demons tormenting me. I called three different pastors. One told me to play gospel music in the house continuously. Another told me that demons cannot possess Christians. The third pastor was traveling to do a wedding in another state and told me that he would call me when he got back and never did. He made sure to mention that I needed to contact my normal pastor for this. So, I relied on deliverance I did on myself. Even though I see deliverance differently today, I do believe that The Most High sees our hearts and while lost, His Grace covers us. He is is gracious, praise Him alone.
Is It trauma? Lack of Identity? Or Falsehood of Christianity Religion?
I concluded that we can mistakes, trauma flares for demonic attacks hence needing deliverance in some churches. Additionally, I believe that the devil is real and his demons are real ( a topic for another day). I believe that Christians who are in a false religion, lack Sonini Nanini’s protection because of disobeying His Commandments. I believe that obedience is better than sacrifice, and devils cannot afflict someone who is living in obedience of the Most High. There are blessings associated with obedience, and curses associated with disobedience. This is the major reason why most Christians are afflicted by the devil, it is because they are living outside the will of The Most High. The name you call on to be delivered, is it His Name? Disobeying the Sabbath Commandment does it lead to blessings? Putting some jesus image in your mind that doesn’t have anything to do with Our Savior, does it open door to demonic oppression and possessions? Think about it, how can you be free if you believe deception? Only truth sets us free. Seek truth! let the crumbling of Christianity faith take root in your life as well so that you can be free.
Is Christianity Competing With The Most High’s Throne?
The first things I started to question were the holidays that Christians celebrate such as halloween, christmas, easter, and others. I was convicted to give up halloween, then a year or so later christmas, then easter, valentines day, etc…Deep down I questioned why Christians who claim to love The Most High do things that His people were killed for including not remembering and keeping the Sabbath Holy? If you start digging into most holidays, you will see how the catholic church took pegan holidays and adopted them into the church and blended them in. My question has always been, is The Most High, The Great I am of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob share His throne with pegan gods? As I read the Old Testament and looking at His Commandments, the answer is NO. So, why do christians partake in these forbidden sins that break His Commandments? Make it make sense. The more I dig into the truth, it seems other’s Christianity faith is crumbling too.
Why do Christians Not Observe The Sabbath? Do They Not Know His Identity?
Of course some christians have reached out to me to try and save me from falling away from the faith. They will argue that the old testament doesn’t count anymore, because we do not keep the law anymore etc…I also believed this until I started looking into the account of who they call jesus. I call Him My Savior, My Salvation, Yashaya or Msindisi in Bantu. I found out that He observed the Sabbath. So called christians will also argue that the gospel of Paul clearly states we do not keep the law. As re-read the Bible and see that the Sabbath was the first commandment even the Most High Himself observed. I was also able to read that Paul Himself, not only him and other disciples observed the Sabbath as well. So, why is the Sabbath not remembered and not kept holy in christian churches? More posts on this topic to come.
Thus saith The Most High, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
Jeremiah 10:2
I am So So Sorry
All I talked about was Christianity religion everywhere and to everyone. I shared on Facebook, went out of my way to share what I thought was the good news. This faith was everything to me. I was sure that this was the truth and nothing but the truth. I was so sure, and I never questioned anything. As I was taught, I believed, and in fact questioning the Bible or what a pastor teaches you to me felt like a sin. Having faith to me meant that my faith was stronger if I simply believed without questioning. I was blind, and lost. I did not know any better. Now, I want to apologize for spreading deception. In efforts to answer who we are, we have no choice by to look at how we came to be. Most people believe that there is a higher power that created everything. The issue I have with christianity is that the truth has been taken, changed, and twisted to deceive the masses. As I uncover the truth for myself, I want to encourage you to also seek truth for yourself. Seek and you shall find. Do not take my word, or anyone else’s word, but seek the truth and study for yourself. In the meantime, I am so sorry for my part of spreading the deception.
Re-Learning and Searching
My heart was pure in my deception. I loved my Savior and still do, and I truly believed in my blindness. He looked at my heart, kept me safe, and kept pulling on my heart string so that I can seek the truth. I kept feeling as though something was missing. I am grateful that I listen to that tagging in my spirit. It turns out, I am not the only one who is being awakened. It seems the vail is being removed for those who truly love The Most High. Do you truly love the Most High and want to obey Him? Pray for your eyes to be opened and to know the truth. I will be sharing somethings, but I encourage you to investigate them yourself. Do not take my journey as absolute, because I am on a journey still. Earnestly pray and ask The Most High, The Great I Am to show you.
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
John 8:32
