Well, lets talk about the people in our lives. We are very much interconnected and it is not even funny. There is no place you can go on this great Earth and not interact with people. The issue is that interacting with people can be like walking in a land mine. Not everyone we meet is a friend or a foe. We need social IQ to best identify who to bring in our circles and who needs to stay at arms length. However, sometimes we do not have a choice, especially when it comes to family. We are born into a family, in a location, and amid circumstances we cannot control. Some of us were abused by those we share DNA with. The abuse and neglect has left us perhaps not able to make real connections with others. We may have a hard time trusting those around us, making it difficult to form long lasting relationships. I am here to tell you that you too, can have meaningful relationships despite the pain, and the trauma you suffered.
My Story
As you may already know, I was born and raised in Rwanda Africa. Growing up, I was able to see and feel what it is like to be in a family. Although I never knew who my father was, I was surrounded by male roles models. I looked to my older brother, and my uncles examples. In 1994 my family was wiped out by a genocide. When I lost them I was at a critical age that what happened after that shaped me into an adult I am trying to know today. Did I ask to be born there? Did I ask for a Genocide to happen? Of course not! However, I have to live the effects of my circumstances. One of those effects is relationship building and how it is an important part of my life. As a mother, a wife, a sister, and aunt, a business owner, a citizen, and so on relationships are a must to live a fulfilling, balanced life.
Additionally, there is a relationship that matters the most than any other relationships out there. This is the relationship between you and your creator. This relationship outlines how other relationships in my life should be. It is a foundation that leads to everything else in our lives. In my journey to the truth, I found that great relationships do not happen by accident, but rather by well planning, intentionality, and gratitude. There is no commodity more valuable than time. For this reason, I must spend quality time with the people I love.
Visions Statement
A vision statement is a statement that I used to describe what my health and wellness goals look like. I understood that I needed to be intentional and specific in this area in order for me to have a clear road map if I was going to achieve my goals. My Vision statement looks like this:
A part of being a mom is to nurture those I love. Our quality time with each of my loved ones will be filled with laughter, creating memories, and fun. Spending one on one with my loved ones will help us reconnect and strengthen our relationships. We will play games, do activities together, and spend time talking and doing things my loved ones are interested in doing.
Yvette, d.
Mission Statement
The mission statement goes into details and breaks your goal down in a way that is SMART (Specific, measurable, realistic, and timely). For someone like myself, this is an important step because I tend to create goals that seem to be too much. Breaking a goal down almost guarantees success in achieving that goal. This is what my mission statement looks like:
Starting April 26th to July 7th, 2022 for a 90 day period (Timely) I will spend one on one time with each one of my loved ones once per month. I will ask each one of them what they want to do. I will make the activity something that they want to do, not what I want to do. In the next 90 days, I will recite out loud my relationship vision/mission statements to remind me of my commitment to those I love. I will spend a minimum of 1 to 2 hours per each one on one date. I will also make it a point to show my gratitude to each one of my loved ones. Instead of pointing out their shortcomings, I will compliment and point out how much I love and appreciate them. On a daily basis, I will share my gratitude to at least one member of my family per day based on the good they are doing. I will also do one act of kindness per day to show my loved ones how much they mean to me. Most importantly I will spend one on one with my Creator first thing in the morning.
Yvette, D.
How to Strengthen the Relationship with Your Creator
As I mentioned in the previous posts, you must set time aside to commune, and know your Creator, and who you are because of Him. If you want to live a good life, this is a pre-requisite to that. There is no other way. This is beyond having a religion, this is about having a relationship. Religion is a mask, relationship requires venerability, and humility. Additionally, having a relationship with your Heavenly Father, means that you must be obedient. Obedient to His Laws and His Word. He is not your equal, He is your Creator! Your Father, whom we must obey. Obedience is a sign of our Love for Him. His grace and mercy is a sign for love for us. His sustenance, and letting us keep the breath he breathed in us, is the GREAT LOVE.
7 And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
Genesis 2:7
We owe everything to the one who controls our breaths. The one who knows the days we will live and the purpose of our lives. Don’t you think we owe him a few minutes in the morning to say hello to Him, to thank Him, and share our lives with Him?
How to Strengthen your Relationship with your Family
It is easy to sacrifice our relationships especially with all the responsibilities that fall on us. If you are anything like me, you are married, have children, and either you have a job or a business to manage. You still have a household to maintain, maybe a hobby or two! Addtionally, we have more distractions these days that eat up our time such as social media, current events, and life issues life sickness, or emergencies, etc…
It is easy for us to assume that our loved ones will be with is forever. We think that, there is always tomorrow to make it to that game or that recital. However, time doesn’t stop and wait. You, your spouse, and your children are aging. The time we lose, cannot be replaced or made up. Time is truly the most valuable commodity there is. Do not lose hope. I believe that if you still have breath in your lungs, you can still make a difference in your most meaningful relationships. You can start by doing a couple of things:
Appreciation and Gratitude
One of the habit I adopted in my 90 day program was to write out a gratitude statement about someone else. Once I wrote it, I would I either go, call, or text the person and tell them that I was grateful for them and why. Taking this time to look outside of ourselves, and verbalize what we are grateful for in others, helps strengthen our relationships. We can also strengthen our relationships by showing appreciation to those we love. Speaking our gratitude is great, but also actions speak louder then words. Going out of our way to do something that our loved ones do not expect, shows that we are thinking of them, we value them, and we love them. You do not have to spend a lot of money to show appreciation. It can be helping with something that someone is struggling with. Maybe do their chores or responsibilities for them so they can rest. Make their favorite meals and snacks. Touch and hug them often and compliment them. How do you show appreciation and gratitude in your relationships?
Be Intentional when Planning Quality Time
It is one think to agree with me and tell yourself that you will spend quality time with those you loved ones moving forward. However, there is a little bit of work that needs to take place to ensure this area of your life is successful. Start with a conversation with your loved ones. Acknowledge your failure and apologize for not spending quality time with them. Ask them what they would life to change in your relationship. Really, listen! Their input will help you with ideas to start with. Next, go to your calendar and block these times out. Call and plan outings if this is what they want to do. Think about and anticipate this time with them. Be excited, and excite them too so that all parties are looking forward to the outing. If you are anything like me, this process will not always go smoothly. This is why it is so important to speak your vision and mission statements out loud every morning. Which action will you be taking today to start planning your quality time with your loved ones?
How to Strengthen your Relationships with Others
The process is really very similar in terms of appreciation, gratitude, intentionality, and planning quality time. However, lets talk about the dynamic of friendship shift after COVID-19. I personally feel that there is a shift with my old friends especially that our views were not the same during, and after COVID-19. The quarantine created this separation and fear of connection and hanging out with those outside our households. I am still not sure how to go back and reconnect, but when I figure it out I will share. Lets talk about those we work with. As a business owner and a leader it is my job to show appreciation and encouragement to those in my organizations. At the same time, it is important to keep the professionalism in these relationships. This is a topic that I will cover more in my next post finances, and wealth. Regardless, everyone wants to feel appreciated, seen, and important. How are you connecting with your friends after COVID-19? How are you recognizing and strengthening relationships with your colleagues?
We must co-exist with others. We must come together and fight for humanity. Come together as neighbors, friends, family, colleagues. Put our differences aside, and just be humans. Yes, there will be pain, heartache, and struggle, but there is something about being human that is just incredible. We are fragile, frail, but also strong, and overcomers. We are created in The Most High’s Image. He deposited His own breath in these vessels made out of dirt and gave us dominion over everything else. He valued this clay like vessels enough to deposit His own Breath and Likeness. It is time we know who we are, and act like we are valued.
