My Story

I was struggling with finding a balance for a long time. I had individual goals for different areas of my life, but I found myself frustrated because I felt like I did not have control over my own life. I ha tried everything I could from time blocking, to list making, but still as soon as one thing was caught up, the other thing was falling behind. I felt like I was on a roller coaster that never ended. Due to ups and downs, I started to get stressed, my health declined, and as result I got behind even more which created frustration. My quality of life in terms of joy and happiness started to get affected. Naturally, I am a goal-setter, an over-achiever, a dreamer, and I found fulfillment in achievement. Part of my self-discovery journey, it was important to me to be honest with myself in terms of looking at my strengths and weaknesses. Self-discovery and the journey of finding my identity meant that I had to do the hard-work to get to the root of the issues in my life that I wanted to change. I went on a 90 days journey to fully understand my life, and re-evaluate what is important to me. This is what I found out:

Common Reasons Why We Lose Life Balance

Looking back now, it it is easy to pinpoint some reasons why life balance is lost. One of these reasons reason is trauma. Like I shared in the previous post https://thrivingatlast.com/?p=2409 recovering from trauma is a life long journey. Although therapy helps, sometimes we are triggered, and if not careful we can fall into the old habits and stay in a unhealthy cycle. My tendency is to shift from pain to doing, and doing, and doing. This results in extending myself too thin. Do you find that you have some coping mechanism when triggered? What are your coping mechanism? How do you overcompensate when dealing with past trauma. I believe that knowing ourselves even knowing the things about us that are negative, can help us get our balance back sooner.

If we are not careful, our strengths can easily turn into our weaknesses when they are not in balanced. For me my dreaming and goal oriented nature can easily be used against me because, when triggered I want to go back to doing things I find fulfillment in. Having people in your life who know your strengths and weaknesses can play a huge role in helping you get your balance back. It is important for those who are close to you, to be people you can trust. I do believe that people in your life can make or break you. A supportive team member, spouse, friend, etc…can make a big difference in telling you the truth when they see that you are doing too much or too little. The can even volunteer to take things off of your to do list if it is something that can’t be taken off of the list. If everyone in your life did their roles or their jobs well, then you can focus better without worrying about everyone else jobs. Knowing that everything else is taken care of even when your to do list is increasing can ease your mind a bit.

Another factor to consider is responsibility. Lets be honest, we all have them. Bills have to be paid, we have to eat, and meet other financial responsibilities that fall on us. Life happens to all of us. One minute things are going very well, then next something unexpected happens. We are expected to figure things out quickly, and in all honest, this expectation is not realistic. So we fall behind, we choose which task to tackle first, second etc…and we do our best and hope for the best that tomorrow is a better day. However, if we plan for the hard times and have contingencies in place, we can maintain life balance better. Do you have challenges that come up once in a while to plan for? How can you go about combating those challenges?

Spirituality

As I dived deeper into who I am, I found that the best answer as to do with spirituality. The answer to the question, who are you? covers so much including our spiritual nature. The core of who we are. As tri-beings we are complex and this is why so many like myself struggle with identity, especially those who suffered severe trauma. The 90 days journey forced me to ask serious hard questions for the first time in my life. As mentioned in the Ways of Finding Who You Are posts https://thrivingatlast.com/?p=2503 I was asked hard questions because I had never taken a serious look into my life. My Spirituality took a hit the most because, the deeper I looked inward of who I was, the more I wanted to learn the truth about God, Jesus, and the christian faith. I had held the christian faith so dear to my heart, soul, and mind. Although initially Spirituality was not a part of the Program, this is something that was important to me. As I dived deeper into Spirituality and why I believe what I believed, it started a journey that I did not expect. In this journey, I was able to reconcile with some of the questions I had in my christian walk. I completely changed direction and start to re-learn everything that I thought I knew. You can read what I wrote about this topic so far here: https://thrivingatlast.com/?p=2525 I wholeheartedly believe that your Spirit needs care and attention. How do you care for your spiritual part of you? How do you find answers to your spiritual questions?

Health and Wellness

What does Health and Wellness means to you? Health and wellness is the way we take care of our bodies, mental health, and over-all quality of life. The health part is vital because it is very difficult to life a good life while the body is sick. Same for wellness, it is very difficult to enjoy what your body does for your while you mind is ill. A healthy mind tells the body what to do, while a sick body is worthless to the healthy mind. As you can see health and wellness go hand in hand. There are activities that we have to engage in to take care of our bodies such as fitness, nutrition, and hydration. What I have learned so much in my life, is that there is answer to a problem somewhere. For our wellness, we must manage stress, get enough rest, and practice self-care designed to enjoy life. The key to reaching our health and wellness goals is to find the answers and apply it to your problem areas of our health and wellness problems. One of the things that I am grateful for right now in our lives, is the access to knowledge, and information. All you have to do is have internet access, and ability to type up a question. The issue is not that we do not have the answers, the issue is that we have to ask ourselves hard questions, and be willing to change and adopt. Unfortunately this work is not easy. However, in order to change our habits that negatively affect our health and wellness, we have to invest in ourselves, and be willing to do the hard work. As I invested time in this not so easy work, I learned a few things about weight loss, eating habits, sleep, and mental health. I understood that not only that I have to take care of my body, but also my soul. Mental health is something that I have been advocating for especially when it relates to trauma. Achieving wellness is probably one of the hardest work I have done to date. How do you practice wellness? What healthy activities do you engage in to regulate yourself?

Relationships

Lets talk about people in our lives. If there is one think I know we are meant to co-exist with other people. We are social creatures. We come from a family, and we build our own families. Life is not meant to be lived alone. However, for people who suffered trauma, we can sometimes isolate. The causes of isolation can be a result of so many reason. In my journey of finding balance, I wanted to understand how I go from, the do-it-all myself kind of a girl to delegating and sharing these goals with others. I also learned so much about how to treat and appreciate people in your life. In order for strong relationships to be sustain, gratitude had to be a foundation. Simply taking time in my day to call, and to send a text to someone about what I appreciated about them and why I was grateful for them. When we are overwhelmed, we lose sight of the good in our lives. It is important to take note literally of what is good in your life to see how blessed we are.

I noticed that my priorities were a bit out of place. There was a time that I had to work 12 hour days every day when I was building my business. However, years later, the business was built and infrastructure was put in place, but I forgot to slow down and spend quality time with my loved ones. I will share some of the tips in a separate blog post. How can you be creative in planning quality time and make sure that your loved ones enjoy the time that you spend with them? Quality time with our loved ones is sometimes overlooked and pushed down to the priority list. This is a huge mistake, because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. Love and appreciate people in your life because life can be too short sometimes.

Finances and Wealth

Lets be real. We all need money. We need money for daily needs, but also to plan for our future. Additionally, we have to understand out money blueprint in order to be fulfilled in this area. Financial independence is very important, especially when we have children, and wish to leave them with a legacy. Most parents do not wish for their children’s to struggle like they did. This is why finances and wealth come into play. However, for me, I know how to make money, but I have not fully learned how to manage it well. This is where the financial blueprint comes in. The way we view money. The rich dad and poor dad concept. In my journey, I had to learn how to make money work for me not having to always work for money. At some point, all the hard work in creating a business, or in climbing a corporate ladder has to pay off, right?

Building wealth takes planning, discipline, and knowing what your financial goals are to start working towards them. Knowing your financial blueprint, goals, and having a system in place, helps tremendously, especially when life decides to throw us curveballs. I was in a way moving blindly in this area of my life, and I am so glad that now I have tools, tools that I will share with you.

The Connection

You can now see how how all these areas spirituality, Health and Wellness, Relationships, finances and wealth are all connected. If one of these areas are out of balance, everything else eventually comes crumbling down. In order for everything to move in harmony, and to avoid stress and frustration, there has to be a system in place that connects all these key areas together in order to have a balanced life. The system makes it possible to adjust when goals change or when life happens to us. A clear picture of our financial health allow us to have peace of mind. Tell me a little bit about how you have achieved balance in your life. What systems do you have in place that help you build on a solid foundation? What curve balls has life thrown at you that are hindering you from living a balanced life? Any advice?

The post How to Building on a Solid Foundation appeared first on thrivingatlast.com.

My Story

I grew up where you can consider monetary poor, but wealthy in all other aspects because I did not have anything else to compare to. Back in Rwanda, we did not have much, but in our lack we were happy. However, after the Genocide and as I got older, I started to notice my lack. I have experience hunger, homelessness, and lack. When I was able to make my own way, I quickly realized that if I worked hard I could achieve whatever I wanted. At age 17, I was on my own. I had an apartment, a job, a car that I bought myself, and I looked after myself. I believe that I learned hard work then and responsibility. Lets face it, I did not have the luxury to make mistakes because I understood that I was on my own. I cannot take all the credit. There were people in my life that helped in that time. Strangers, but nevertheless people with kind and giving hears. These relationships included teachers, school counselors, government housing programs, and McDonald’s managers who employed me. I found value in hard-work, but along the way I had some life-changing events that shaped who I am today.

Life was not easy back then. Not having parents to protect, teach, and guide me was at times unbearable. Look at me today. I am a mom, a wife, a business owner, and now I am writing my experience to help others. What I am saying is that no matter what you have been through, you can start to understand your financial blueprint, reaching financial freedom, and have a system in place to maintain your finances.

Visions Statement

A vision statement is a statement that I used to describe what my health and wellness goals look like. I understood that I needed to be intentional and specific in this area in order for me to have a clear road map if I was going to achieve my goals. My Vision statement looks like this:

Once I reach my financial independence, I will have taken care of my responsibilities, and be better equipped to help others. Once we pay off all of our consumer debt, I will feel accomplished, and be able to invest our money somewhere else. Financial freedom means that we will be free from debt, align our monies with Sonini Nanini’s Word, and leave a legacy for my children.

Yvette, D.

Mission Statement

The mission statement goes into details and breaks your goal down in a way that is SMART (Specific, measurable, realistic, and timely). For someone like myself, this is an important step because I tend to create goals that seem to be too much. Breaking a goal down almost guarantees success in achieving that goal. This is what my mission statement looks like:

Starting April 26th to July 7th, 2022 for a 90 day period (Timely) I will look over and set limits in our personal and business. I will go over bank statements in the first week of the new month, to see if we were on our budget targets. I will find out why these budget targets were not meant and work to investigate why. In the next 90 days, I will recite out loud my finances and wealth vision/mission statements. I will check our budgets every two weeks to keep up with the set goal. I will also start to create the next steps of our financial goals. I will take a close look at our business and figure out a way to increase revenue, and to cut back on expenses. In the next 90 days, I will meet with and hire an estate attorney to protect our assets, and a financial planner to strategize which direction is best in this economy.

Yvette, D.

What Does The Most Hight “Sonini Nanini” Say About Money and Wealth

When I was thinking about what Sonini Nanini thinks about money and wealth, I was prompted to think about where in the Bible we can trace the first mentions about money and wealth. I then looked at the creation story. Sonini Nanini created a paradise for Adam and Eve. This paradise was fertile, beautiful, and also it had gold. According to this article https://classroom.synonym.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-money-12078370.html gold is mentioned 417 times in the New King James Bible.

¹¹ The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;¹² And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.

Genesis 2:11-12

In efforts to trace the first wealth man, I read about Abram. A man chosen by Sonini Nanini to be His person. Abram was called our of his home and people and asked to go to a land that Sonini Nanini will show him. Tracing Abram’s journey we come to find where this land (Sub-Saharan Africa) and it is in fact a rich land with a lot of gold among other resources.

² And Abram was very rich in cattle, in silver, and in gold.

Genesis 13:2

It is refreshing to see that the Bible talks about having a balance even in our finances and wealth. Truly too much of anything is not good. One of the ways to ensure that your finances are in check is to no obsess about being rich. Having everything in a balance help us stay grounded. The Bible clearly talks about wealth in one form or another. We must not make money a god.

¹⁰ He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance with increase: this is also vanity.

Ecclesiastes 5:10

Becoming Financially Independent

I cannot be the only one who wants financial independence. Growing up, we owned everything we had. I did not know anything about credit, until I was 17 living on my own and got my first credit card. Most adults have financed assets including homes, cars, and student loans. Financial independence can mean different things to different people. Some may want to be debt free, while others may want to build a house for their parents. No matter what your financial goals are, you have to take into account a few concepts. Your financial blue print, your financial goals, and systems that can help you on this journey.

Know your Financial Blueprint

How do you view money? You never thought that your spiritual and wellness lifestyle can have an impact on your money, did you? You financial blueprint is the way that you view money. It has a lot to do with how you view our Creator (Yes He is Real) and how your childhood shaped you. For example, I grew up with little, but I was content, so I never put value in things. I do not care if my clothes are designer, or if I have the hottest car around. How about you, how do you view money? Do you find that you lose money as soon as you get it? This could be because you have a poor mindset. May be you are like me, you want to get ahead, but you are missing the key steps to get there. This is why I am making this post. I want to show you how I went from chasing money to getting money to work for me. My journey is still ongoing so please bare with me. What are your beliefs about money? Do you believe money grows on trees? Does money grow on trees?

Setting Financial Goals and Aligning Them with Sonini Nanini’s Word

Setting financial goals will is different from one person to another. For myself, I want to be competely debt free, go back home and invest in my Mother’s Land literally, and leave a legacy to my children. Your financial goals can be different based on what is important to me. The question remains, how do we align our financials with Sonini Nanini’s Word. No, I am not referring to tithing, but I am referring to taking care of Sonini Nanini’s People. Yes, there is a People that belong to Him and this People has suffered a great deal. They are lost, and they do not know who they are. Once I have some money saved, I want to use it to help His people and share Him Msindisi. The Savior!! The main goal is to have the necessities I need to my children and I, but the savings must go back to serve the work of Sonini Nanini. Tell me about your financial goals. Are you wanting to pay off your mortgage? (I will share some tips on how to get our of debt fast in specific posts to this topic). Are you wanting to start investing into your future? What are the best investment vehicles especially after COVID-19? Should you be saving money or stockpiling on food? What does wealth mean if you cannot eat? More topics coming on going back to survival.

Having Financial Systems in Place

One of the financial systems you must have in place is a budget. A personal budget and if you have a business, a business budget. There is no way around this. You must have a budget that you monitor on a monthly basis. Now, this is something that I lived without for a long time. This behavior is being irresponsible. You must have a spreadsheet, a binder, or a notebook that keeps track of your bills login information, amounts, and due dates. When you associate yourself with various institutions, interview them to see if they are in alignment with your financial goals. For example, you want to be debt free, but you do not know what is showing on your credit reports. Does your bank offer free credit reports? Or perhaps, you want a savings account that offer you a better rate of return. What are the options offered by your financial institutions? Do they have financial advisor affiliates that they can refer you to? In essence what value do they offer you to leave your hard earned money to them?

The post How to Building on Solid Foundations: Finances and Wealth appeared first on thrivingatlast.com.

The Journey to Healing

The healing journey is not easy in a sense that no one wants to re-live things that hurt them. Second no one wants to find that they have been living a lie, and breaking that illusion can be painful. Third the idea of starting all over or having to change is not ideal to many. It takes courage to embark on a healing journey, however the journey is like a rollercoaster. There are hills and valleys, and no guarantee on how long the journey will take, or how much time one will spend in the valley, or time spent climbing hills. However, there is power in truth! The truth will definitely set you free. I guess the question to ask yourself is, do I want to continue live in an illusion that could shutter any moment, or do you want to have a foundation that is solid and whatever I build on it, will stand forever?

My Story

For as long as I can remember, I struggled to fit in. Even when I was a child in my homeland, I was an outsider. I was shy, unpopular, and often bullied. My mind set back then was of black and white, never gray. For as long as I can remember, I have been wondering who I am, and why I am here. My identity crisis got deeper as I got older and as I attempted to trace my ancestry and where they came from. I was trying to understand why the Rwandan Genocide happened 28 years ago this April month of 2022 and took almost all of my family including my mother and sister. Additionally, I never knew who my father was, so this had left a part of me void. With these challenges of not being able to know who my lineage is, I also ended up in a foreign land. I had to adopt to a culture, language, and lifestyle to fit in. Slowly over time, I started to lose myself up until, after my daughter’s birth about five years ago today where I started to ask questions. Lets just say there has been a lot of tears, and sleepless nights with new revelations.

Most Common Answers to Identity Questions

If someone asked you today “Who are you”? What would your answers be? I bet you would start with your name, then move into your life roles, like you are a father or a mother, a sister, or a daughter, etc… once pressed into the question, you will more likely start looking a little deeper, the answer will start to address your values, like integrity, honesty, honor, royalty, and so on. If you really want to get an A on the question, your will then go into your spirituality, what you believe, and how you relate to a bigger force or divine order. Every layer of your answer will only leave you with more questions, and if you answer this question correctly, you should have a lot questions unanswered. This is exactly what happened to me and this is what started my self-discovery journey that I am on, and this is why I am here to share with you.

The Journey to Self-Discovery

When I started this blog, I was so enthusiastic about sharing my journey, journey of coming from surviving to thriving. I wanted to encourage others about healing from trauma, and as I was sharing I quickly realized that I only glazed the surface myself and I didn’t really know fully what I was talking about, because I had too built-on an illusion. What I thought I knew was false to a deeper degree, and so I stopped writing for a time, and I went on a journey of finding the truth. As I was digging for truth I slowly found myself. My journey to self-discovery was to answer the “Who are you question”. I understood why the trauma I suffered was so deep, and why my identity crisis was there. I found out that I was lost, so lost in the illusion to the highest degree. My spirituality crumbled. Something that had kept my illusions together like glue fell apart. I was devastated! At the same time my prayers were being answered. Finding the truth, so that I can be free at last.

Seek and You Will Find

I invested in a program with someone I have known for over a decade. He is fitness guru and motivational professional. I embarked on this journey in December of 2020 without knowing what I was going to find out. At that time, everything around me was going wrong. My health and wellness was declining, my relationships in a dump, and although I have businesses and money coming in, my financial health was not good at all. Sometimes things look really good on the outside, but once you start peeling the layers, its like a stinky onion. I knew that I needed to change something. So I invested in this 90 day program seeking a balanced life. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was desperate for ideas, a change, advice, anything at all. The Program covered Health and Wellness, Relationships, and Wealth and Wellness. 21 days in I added in a Spiritual component, because this is something that is important to me. What I am getting at is that if you seek you will find. The key here is to seek and to do the work necessary for a better outcome.

To Get to Truth, You Must Ask Questions

I guess one can ask, what is truth, and how do you know that what you believe is truth? This is a very hard question to answer and this is the question that I asked myself. In my journey of self-restoration and finding balance, my daily exercises forced me to start asking questions and digging a little deeper. I soon realized that I have been a sheep. Just like the waives of the sea, I have been taken here and there, and once I never questioned what I was taught. I have been accused of being naïve, and this was true up until I started to question everything. I questioned my spirituality, where did it come from, how can I possibly believe that it is true? What is the Bible and where did it come from? Who is Jesus, and why have I trusted my life to Him? I then asked question about me. My race, were I come from, why are my people so hated? Why don’t I fit in? Why do I still feel like something is missing? What is missing? Then I started looking at my relationships? Why am I attracted to white men? Why don’t I go out of my way to make friendships with the people of my race? What are the reasons why I hated myself. Where did these ideas come from? Then I asked about my wealth. Why am I not financially independent? What is my financial blueprint? Why, am I not supporting others like me…black women in business? What is worth for a man to gain the entire world but lose his soul? Why haven’t I returned home? How about My Mother’s land? What are my responsibilities as they relate to my roots?

Your Turn~ Who are you?

What questions do you ask yourself about your identity? What are your answers? I have taken sometime to fully understand that you cannot possibly heal from trauma without answering key questions as they relate to your identity. I also know that I am not the only one who suffers from identity crisis, but I think that most of us deal with this issue. There is a deeper root issue that I uncovered. Stay with the blog to learn what it is. You can also read about the next topic here. It is not a new discovery issue, but rather something my eyes were opened to via this journey. I was able to understand who I am and where I came from. I was also able to find the deceptions and lies that I shaped my illusions.

The post Healing, Self-Discovery, Finding The Truth, and Identity Journey appeared first on thrivingatlast.com.