One thing we can expect in life, is loss. You may be able to anticipate some losses, however most the time what makes loss deeply felt is the sudden nature of it. So, what do we do when losses happen? There is no blueprint on how to really handle losses. Each person, will handle losses differently. I would love to share my loss stories, in hopes that they may help navigate losses you may experience. hopefully the information shared help you overcome the grief that comes with loss. I pray that you find your path as you embark on your life journey post a loss. Life doesn’t stop after a loss. We must push through! How were you able to overcome the grief that comes from a loss? What words of encouragement do you have for people who are grieving right now?
One of My Loss Stories
In the last three years I lived through losses that shook me to the core. I did not know a person can be tested to that level. I lost my husband to cancer, followed by losing my beloved cousin, and best friend suddenly. Then, three months later I lost Ma. A woman who had been there for me as a mother figure for decades. Exactly three years ago, I was at the lowest place of my life. I had lost all hope, and I was in immense pain. If it wasn’t for the Divine intervening the way they did, I would not be here today. These events were the breaking point of my strength. Honestly, It was The Most High who kept me together. However, I had to acknowledge these losses, feel them, and heal to the best of my ability.
What are Some of The Losses You Experienced? ~How to Acknowledge Loss
I have found that people would sometimes minimize losses. It doesn’t matter if you suffered a car accident, a loss of a pet, a job, or a loss of a loved one. No matter how big or small people define your loss, it is a loss nevertheless. The process of acknowledging a loss vary from person to person, and timeframes vary as well. You have to understand that you are different. Just because someone else seems to be doing well after a loss, doesn’t mean that their timeline or process will be the same as yours. Also, each person’s tolerance is different from person to person. Let’s also take into account life demands and responsibilities that have to go on, even after experiencing a loss. So, how do you face the painful emotions of grief?
Grief is a Beast
What is grief? Grief is always associated with loss. It is the emotions we feel after experiencing a loss. If you are a person, you will encounter some type of loss or losses of some kind. Learning to deal with grief, will help you navigate life seamlessly. I know no one really goes through life planning for specific losses, but taking into account that loss will happen, prepares us to anticipate on how we can survive the blunt force that comes with grief. When grief is not dealt with, it causes other issues. It turns into unprocessed trauma that could result in other health issues in the body. It is important to process grief.
When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.
Anonymous
How To Process Grief
Grief is an emotion that brings so many other negative emotions alongside it. These feelings include but not limited to sadness, anger, anxiety, shock, guilt, loneliness, fear, regret, depression, and unhappiness. I did not know what emotions I would feel day to day. Despite what emotions that I feel, to go ahead and feel them. I was one of those who took eye drops everywhere I went to sooth those red eyes! Not only that grief affects you emotionally, it also affects you physically, and behaviorally. It is not uncommon to deal with sleep issues, exhaustion, lack of appetite, weight loss, lack of energy, agitation, restless, and decreased concentration.
Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.
Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight
Journey To A New Life After A Loss
Like I mentioned earlier, I could not have survived back to back losses if it wasn’t my faith in The Most High. Where my strength ended, I can testify today that His divine power, team, etc…kicked in. Additionally, having a therapist, friends, and family who can help you makes a world of a difference. Furthermore, it is vital to pace yourself, rest, cry, and scream if you need to. Whatever that allows you to release that grief from inside of your body to the outside of you, do it as long as it is not harmful to you and to others. Start slow, master up some strength to start moving forward. Take a close look at all areas of your life and start listing things that need done, and create a plan on how you will get them done by taking necessary appropriate actions.
The Power of Journaling
Journaling is a powerful tool. You can write anything you want in it. You can record your feelings, which can help you discuss them with your therapist later on as well. In your journal record your actions items that will help you get back on track, and people, places, etc…that can help you, execute your action items. What I noticed is that as soon as I finished writing in my journal, I felt better. At time depending on what I needed, I either kept the entry, tore it up, or burned it as a method to get ride of the wrong emotions. I am not sure about others, but I also had memory issues while grieving. Writing thing down helped me immensely remember important things.
The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.
James Patterson, Angel
Word Of Encouragement
The journey of grief is a very difficult one. Unfortunately, sometimes it is inevitable. When you do suffer a loss, first just take it one day at a time. Sometimes, you may have to take it one hour at a time. Please have clear expectations for yourself. Take it easy, and give yourself grace. Grieving is a process that involves many other emotions, so it takes time to somewhat get on the other side. Even, when you feel like you have arrived, a song, a scent, a memory, or a place can easily trigger emotions that are associated with grief. When the triggers happen, just process those emotions as you have done before. Grieving could be a lifelong process. You can start over after a loss, and go from a survival place to a thriving one.
How I Started Over After Losses
My approach to getting my thoughts organized, is to look at the Five Pillars of a Thriving Life. These pillars are Spirituality, Health and Wellness, Relationships, Home Management, Finances, and Wealth. In my journal, I would go through each pillar, and list out what I need to get done. Once I know what I want to do, then I would line up a list of specific action items. I would like to challenge you to create an organized master list. Take those actions on the master list, and plug them into your calendar so you know what you are doing and when. Taking this approach, will help you get organized, and pick up where you left off if you have your action items documented. Additionally, you have peace of mind that you know what you need to do, instead of feeling overwhelmed when not organized.
Anticipate To Make Hard Decisions
Making decisions is a difficult process to begin with, let alone doing so while grieving. Decision-making process requires data gathering, and some kind of risk management. What makes decision-making while grieving difficult, is the emotions that are in the mix of this process. For example, if you have to get a new home, and sell an old home due to a loss of a spouse, this process will be extremely difficult because of the memories created in that home with someone who is no longer there. It is important to plan for the impact of the decisions you will have to make after a loss. I would recommend, giving yourself plenty of time, and also enlist for emotional supporters who can help you in this process. Additionally, the more you journal, the more clear you will be in which path to take.
We may think that our decisions are guided purely by logic and rationality, but our emotions always play a role in our good decision making process.– Salma Stockdale
Starting Over Is Painful
I want to make it clear, starting over in any situation require a lot of mental, physical, and emotional work, especially while grieving. I remember when I come to the decision to take the steps needed to downsize from a ranch to a smaller space, it was extremely hard. This was the life my husband and I built together for a long time. It took strength to take these steps for myself, let alone for my children who were used to a certain lifestyle. I understood, and decided that this was a step that my children and I needed to take. What was even harder, was actually disassembling everything, selling things, and taking apart structure, along side of selling our animals. I cried, and to this day I miss my animals especially. However, I am in a better financial position. I cut down on my daily chores, and we are starting to get adjusted to our new life in our little start-over home. I am telling you this to say, it will not be easy to start over, but overtime, you will adjust and even be proud of your resilience.
Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
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